It's Always Darker In Your Eyes
by CrystalOrchid19
Summary: When Bella becomes close friends with Jacob after Edward leaves her, she never would've thought that he might be the one deceiving her in the end. A story about regrets, second chances and murder cases, but will true love conquer all?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_Each facet of your being,_

_Whether it physical or spiritual,_

_Is an ensnarement,_

_From which there is no release._

_But I do not wish release._

_I wish to stay entrapped forever,_

_With you for all eternity._

_Our hearts,_

_Always as one._

-Anthony Kolos

* * *

Slowly, Bella opened her eyes. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there, on the little bench in the middle of a clearing in the woods close to her house, and she didn't care either. The moon was visible in the sky above now, lightening the clearing with its eerie light. Strange noises were audible, coming out of the darkness leading deeper into the woods. Normally, Bella would've been anxious, left alone in the woods by night, not knowing who or what was watching her. But at that moment, she didn't feel anything but her broken heart. It was aching so badly, she could hardly breathe. The tears just wouldn't stop forming in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks, and she had given up long ago on wiping them off. She closed her eyes again. Like a movie, the happenings of the past day replayed in her head.

"_Let's go for a walk.", Edward said, grabbing her hand and leading her down a little path into the wood behind her house. His voice was calm, but different. Bella couldn't make out why it was different, she just noticed that it was. _

_They didn't talk, until they reached a beautiful clearing. A bench was situated in the middle and Edward gestured her to sit down. He put his hands in the pockets of his pants and remained standing. Bella frowned.  
_"_What are we doing here, Edward?", she whispered, gazing up into his eyes. He sighed._

"_We need to talk, Bella."_

"_About?" She could sense that something was wrong. This behavior was so untypical for him. She had never seen him so…out of it. It was scaring her._

"_About us." He sighed again and turned around to stare into another direction. He couldn't look into her eyes while saying what he had to. "Bella…I can't do this anymore. I'm putting you at unnecessary risk with being so close to you. And I'm endangering myself and my family with keeping you close. It's irresponsible and I have to stop right now."_

_Bella's eyes immediately filled with tears.  
_"_I thought we have gotten past the 'I'm a vampire and it's dangerous for you to be around me'-part a while ago and I thought we have agreed that we can both live with it. Why are you changing your mind now?"_

"_I never agreed. I should've told you to stay away before we even got that close, but I couldn't, because I was selfish enough to keep you by my side. But I'm not willing to put all of us in danger anymore, because of a stupid little emotion.", Edward hissed. His hands clenched into fists inside the pockets of his pants as he heard Bella's sobs. _

"_Maybe you should for once listen to what your heart tells you, instead of your mind.", she whispered._

"_I don't have a heart, Bella. It stopped beating a long time ago. You of all people should know that." His voice was cold and distant, Bella didn't recognize it anymore. She couldn't imagine what made him act this way and she definitely couldn't understand it. At this very moment, she honestly hated him, for saying things like that, which broke her heart in two. _

"_So…what…you're breaking up with me? Is that what you're trying to say?", Bella asked with a high-pitched voice. She rose up from the bench and folded her arms in front of her chest, staring at the back of his head. Edward turned around slowly, looking deeply into her eyes._

"_Yes, Bella, it's over." His voice was above a whisper, but she could hear every single word he said. Her hands dropped to the side of her body and started to shake._

"_Well, I'm sorry to inform you, Edward, but you and me is something that will never really be over. We're too deeply bonded, to just separate. You said that yourself, remember? I can't believe you're doing this to me."_

"_I'm sorry, Bella. But it's better that way, trust me." He wanted to close his arms around her so badly, hold her tight and comfort her. But he couldn't let his emotions take over and risk Bella's life over and over again. _

"_It doesn't matter what's better for me or what's more responsible. The only thing that matters is what you feel. Do you love me? Because I definitely love you and if you'd feel the same way about me, we wouldn't have this discussion.", Bella yelled. _

"_I do love you, Bella. And that's exactly why I have to let you go. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you."_

_Bella rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest.  
_"_Stop playing the martyr, Edward. The worst thing that could happen to me is happening right now."_

"_This is not the worst thing that could happen to you. It's something that will save your life eventually.", Edward said certainly. He stepped forward towards her, let his fingers slide down her cheek and gazed into her chocolate brown eyes for the last time. After placing a soft kiss on her left cheek, he turned around to face the wood again, because if he had looked into her eyes for a little longer, he might have changed his mind._

"_Edward…you can't be serious.", Bella whispered. She still couldn't believe what he was telling her. Or she didn't want to believe it. "Edward…"_

"_You won't see me again, Bella. You'll forget, and you'll get over it soon.", he said bitterly, knowing how much harder it would be for himself to forget. _

_Bella let out a sardonic laugh and the tears started to roll down her cheeks again.  
_"_I'll never forget. Especially not how you left me. I'll never forget."_

_Edward sighed once again, before whispering:  
_"_Goodbye, Bella. I love you."_

_Bella's eyes got blurry from the tears and she had to blink for a second, but when her eyes opened again he was gone. _

How long she had been standing there, calling his name, wishing to wake up from this nightmare, she couldn't remember. The only thing she knew was that Edward – vampire, lover and her personal reason for staying alive – was gone and would never come back.


	2. Chapter 1: Invitations

**_Thank you so much for your reviews, I appreciate them.  
The first few chapters are going to be a little shorter and probably a little lame, but they're just for the purpose of explaining certain backgrounds and to kinda get the story going. It will get better, I promise.  
Anyways, I hope you like it so far. I'll be posting more soon!_**

**

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****Chapter One - Invitations**

Bella's POV

If somebody would've asked me a while ago, what I expected myself to be like in my senior year of High School, I probably would have said happy, busy with school work, maybe a little nervous about the upcoming exams. But I definitely wouldn't have imagined myself to be dead on the inside. But that's exactly the way I felt that day, when I was standing outside the little retail shop I was currently working at, smoking a cigarette. And yes, you read right, I was smoking a cigarette. I couldn't even remember when or how exactly I adopted that one of my at least thousand bad habits, but that's the deal.

Speaking of the retail shop, this doesn't just sound like Charlie's idea, it was his idea. When Edward left me, I literally fell into this huge black hole of despair, anxiety and suicidal ideas. I didn't go to school a whole lot, because school without Edward or Alice there turned out to be really lame. Actually, I didn't leave my house a whole lot at all. I pretty much stayed in bed all day, refused to eat more than a little snack a day and barely had any conversations with Charlie. Of course he started to worry, who can blame him. So he forced me to go to school again and in addition he made me start working at this boring place. I wasn't mad at him though, he was just being a father.

My cousin Amber owned the shop I had now been working at for 2 weeks and I got along with her pretty well. She was 24, really short and very cool. She reminded me very much of Alice, but I tried not to think about that too much. I told her everything about what happened between me and Edward, involuntarily, and without certain vampire details of course. But I had to admit, it felt good to talk to someone about it, since Charlie wasn't the right person to go to when it came to Edward. Of course there was still Jacob, who I became closer friends with every day, but I noticed that he too wasn't very enthusiastic about discussing Edward or the Cullens in general.

"Hey Bella, what's up?"  
Speaking of the devil. Jacob entered the shop with a gigantic smile on his lips, leaning across the counter to give me a friendly hug. I couldn't help but smile too, if just for a little fraction of a second.

"Hey. As you can see, I'm very busy. There must've been at least 2 customers in here the past 3 hours, who desperately needed my advice on what kind of toilet paper to get.", I joked. I felt good around Jacob, because he always made me realize that I still had a little bit of sarcasm inside me.

"Wow, they'd be screwed without you.", he laughed. Suddenly his face became serious and I knew what was to come. We had this conversation about 3 to 5 times a day, depending on how often we got to see each other.  
"You really should start eating on a regular basis again, Bella. You look awful."

I sighed.  
"Yes Dad, will do. So, what's up with you? Just checking if I threw myself off a cliff already, or do you have a special reason to be here?"

His lips drew apart to a brilliant smile again and I knew something was up, plus I immediately sensed that I wouldn't like it very much.  
"Well…you have to promise me to say yes, before I tell you."

I rolled my eyes.  
"You're such a child."

"Promise.", he repeated.

"No."  
I folded my arms across my chest. He copied me and started to pout. Again, I had to roll my eyes, because I realized that I couldn't beat that pout.

"Fine. I promise to say yes."

"Yay.", he called enthusiastically. "Alright, here are the facts. We, meaning the pack plus Emily, Leah and Seth, are having a little get-together tonight at Sam's house. Your attendance is mandatory, so this is not what you promised to say 'yes' to. But tonight we're discussing the event that's going to take place next Saturday, and THAT's what you promised to say 'yes' to. And yes, you guessed right, it's a huge, phenomenal party."  
He was so excited, he couldn't help but jump up and down a little, clapping his hands. I was so thrilled, that I was ready to throw up any moment.

By the way, Jacob and his so-called 'pack' were werewolves. Yes, as if vampires in my life weren't enough. He told me, the werewolf-gene had been in their blood for generations, but the current reason for setting it off and making them phase were the Cullens. Vampires were their natural enemies and with the Cullens living close by, they had no other choice but accept who they were and protect their land if necessary. Since the Cullens moved away, they were in some kind of retirement, at least until new vampires came too close. Don't ask me about it, I never really got it anyway.

"Well, since I already promised to go to this party, I can't back out. But I can't promise to be very good company.", I said defiantly. I was a little mad about the way Jacob had tricked me into this.

"It will be fun, you'll see.", he winked and after a short glance at his watch, he continued, "Alright, I'll let you do your work now. I have to go. See you tonight at Sam's around 8?"

I just nodded and he hugged me goodbye. As Jacob left, my better mood left as well and I fell back into my little hole of depression. Amber wasn't at the shop that day, so I was untroubled in my daydreaming about falling off a cliff or getting run over by a train.

My thoughts drifted off to the upcoming get-together with all the people from La Push. Actually, hanging out with them had always been fun, up to a certain point. Meaning, when all of them start to realize what an awful mess I am and then start to discuss how much they dislike the Cullens and how lucky I was, not to be under their spell anymore. I just wasn't sure, how much of that I could handle without breaking apart.

Tonight would end bad, that was a fact.


	3. Chapter 2: Conversations

**_Sorry, short one again, but I was very busy the past days. More to come soon!  
Thanks for reviewing!  
=]_**

* * *

**Chapter Two - Conversations**

I was in my truck on my way over to Sam's house, when my cell-phone started to vibrate violently. I checked the caller-ID and immediately felt bad, because I had been in such a hurry, that I forgot to tell Charlie I was leaving. I flipped it open and called:  
"Hey Dad."

"Bella, where are you?", he yelled. I could tell from his tone that he was mad.

"I meant to tell you, I'm going out tonight.", I quickly explained.

"Bella, just because you're 18 doesn't mean you can come and go as you please. I expect you to be home by 11. Where are you going anyways?"

It could be really annoying when he became the overprotective father, but I knew how to play my cards.  
"Oh, I'm on my way to Jacob right now. And I didn't plan on staying too long anyways."

I could literally hear Charlie's face light up on the other line. Did I mention, as much as Charlie had disliked Edward, the more he adored Jacob. Whenever I spoke the name Jacob, I had absolute freedom. And, like every good daughter would've done, I had learned to use that for my benefit.  
"Don't worry, Bella. Stay as long as you please. I know you'll have fun with Jacob. He's a nice boy."

I rolled my eyes. This started to get really old.  
"Alright, Dad. I'll see you later then."

"Bye, be careful."

With this we hung up and I dropped my cell-phone on the passenger's seat again. Even though I was already running late, I was in no hurry to get there. I turned on the radio and flipped through some radio stations, but each song they were playing seemed to remind me of Edward, so I turned it off again and drove in silence. I started humming to myself, but as I realized that I had automatically started to hum the lullaby Edward had written for me, I wanted to slap myself in the face.

I could already feel hot tears roll down my cheeks and drop onto the steering wheel, but I didn't bother to wipe them away. It was useless anyways. It was really hard to focus on the road with so many emotions welling up inside me and so many thoughts going crazy in my head. But I calmed myself with the intention of spending a nice evening with people who still cared about me and wouldn't run away if life got serious.

Finally, I parked my truck in front of Sam's house. I groaned, after I checked my appearance in the rearview mirror, and tried to fix myself as good as possible. I already looked like the walking death, they didn't have to know that I had been crying too.  
As I got out of the car, I was already greeted by Leah and Seth, who obviously were a little late as well.

"Hey Bella, it's good to see you.", Seth called and waved at me as I walked up to them. His sister, who was standing right next to him, folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow.

"What happened to you? You look terrible."

I sighed.  
"I know. I'm fine though. So what have you been up to lately? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Oh, the usual. School's taking up a lot of time, though. You should come hang out with us more often. We haven't seen you here in such a long time, we thought you died.", Leah joked.

"I wish.", I whispered, but luckily they didn't hear me. I just flashed them a smile instead.

"Let's go see the others. They're all hanging out on the back porch.", Seth suggested. We followed him around the house, where everyone was sitting on comfortable canvas chairs. They all welcomed me in a very friendly way and I immediately felt at home. Nobody even said one word about my absence from the group, or my appearance, or what happened between me and the Cullens. I was surprised and glad for now, but I was sure there was something going to be said sooner or later.

Sitting next to Jacob made me feel warm and safe, I didn't know if it was his unnatural high temperature or just his warm personality. He put his arm around me now and then, grabbed my hand once or twice if I had been quiet for a longer period of time. It was innocent, but sweet. But how awkward it may sound, the happier I was, the guiltier I felt for being happy. Soon, my emotions started to take over again and I got up.

"Guys, I'll go smoke a cigarette in front of the house, okay?"

"You can smoke here.", Jacob immediately called, but I shook my head.

"I don't want to bother you. I'll be right back.", I said and made my way around the house again. I sat down on the front porch and lit a cigarette, inhaling the grey substance before blowing it up in the air. Somehow, the cigarettes had become a distraction from Edward. Every time I thought about him, I smoked another cigarette. It made it a little less painful, or at least I told myself so.

Suddenly I heard footsteps and Emily, Sam's girlfriend, appeared around the corner and sat down on the front porch next to me.  
"Hey girl, are you alright?"

I just nodded.  
"Sure."

I knew, that I didn't have to say anything. Emily was the kind of person who could look inside of people's minds. Not the kind of mind-reading Edward could do, with Emily it was just like a conversation with no words needed. She just sensed how you felt. It was weird, but nice at the same time, because most of the time she just understood.

"You miss him a lot, do you?", she stated.

"True.", I confessed.

"You think about him every second and everything reminds you of him.", Emily continued.

I sighed and repeated, "True."

Emily sighed too, but remained silent for another few minutes. I finished my cigarette and threw it on the ground, grinding it with my foot.  
"Don't believe that he doesn't care about you anymore, because I definitely know that he does. Or he wouldn't have left.", Emily finally said.

I let out a little, sarcastic laugh.  
"If he cared about me, he would've stayed."

Emily shook her head.  
"Sometimes, if you love somebody and you know that in the end the person you love will get hurt, it's better to let that person go. He's just being selfless. I'm sure he's having a much worse time than you are."

"I don't think so. You didn't watch him walk away from me. It looked so easy. I could've never walked away from him like that. And why are you saying he's being selfless? It looks more like pure selfishness to me. If it gets too serious, he backs out and runs away. That's so typical for a guy. Who is he anyways, making decisions over my head like I was a little child? Did he ever ask me what I thought was best for me? Or does my opinion not count at all?"  
My hands clenched into fists and I could feel the fury rise up inside me. I was absolutely aware of the fact, that I was about to take out all my anger on poor Emily, but in that moment I didn't care. I was just glad to finally get it all out.

"Of course you're right in a way, in a human way. But you have to see it from his point of view. He's a vampire. He shouldn't have got that close to you from the beginning, but he did anyways. And what happened? You've been attacked by his own kind and you almost got killed. How did you expect him to react, now that he realized that he's not the only one who could be dangerous to you? He may be able to control his own temper, but how could he be a hundred percent sure to be able to protect you from everybody else? Of course he pushed you away, to keep you safe. In my opinion, that's very unselfish, because even though he loves you and wants to be with you for eternity, it's still more important to him that you're safe and happy, even if that means without him. That's true love."

It was hard not to believe in her words a hundred percent, because she spoke with such certainty and conviction. But still I didn't want to believe it, because it would make Edward leaving me a good thing, and I refused to let that happen.

"But I won't ever be happy without him. He's my life. And if he's not there anymore, I'm not sure if I want to stay alive."  
I knew I sounded like a little child, but I didn't care.

Emily sighed and rose from her place.  
"I give up. For now, you can either accept it or not. But trust me, when the time's right, you'll know what to do."

She winked at me, turned around on her heel and disappeared around the corner again, leaving me more confused than before. I didn't really understand what she meant at that point of time, but I knew I would find out eventually.


	4. Chapter 3: Voices

**_Sorry it took me so long to post this chapter, but I had a lot of exams the past week.  
Thanks for reviewing! I'll post the next chapter sooner._**

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**Chapter Three - Voices**

Looking back, the night at Sam's house hadn't gone as bad as I had expected. I have to admit, the conversation I had with Emily was probably the best happening of that night. Talking about what's on my mind had been very relieving and very necessary. I was actually pretty surprised that the issue Edward hadn't come up more than once, other than with Emily. Sam had only started to talk about him once the whole night, but Jacob had come to my defense and told him to drop it. I had been glad.

On my way home from Sam's house I had come to a conclusion. Of course, Edward's absence hurt me very much and I would never give up hope that he'd come back someday. But I couldn't and wouldn't fall into that dark hole of self-pity again and let my whole future suffer from it. So I decided to take school more seriously and focus on my graduation. It would distract me from thinking about Edward and it wouldn't hurt my grades.

So it should be no surprise that I was sitting in my English class that day, listening carefully and taking notes. I don't know if I was imagining things, but I had the feeling that everybody was staring at me, as if I had returned from the dead. In that moment I realized what a mess I must have been the past weeks, when I rarely attended class and barely talked to anyone, if I did. I guess there were a lot of apologies due.

At lunch, I went to sit with the people I actually still called my friends, even though I haven't been a very good friend to them lately.  
"Hey guys."

Jessica frowned and exchanged an irritated look with Lauren, but remained quiet. Mike seemed to be very pleased to have me back at their table and everybody else didn't seem to be bothered by my presence either. Soon I found myself in a conversation with Angela, just like it had always been, as if nothing had happened.

"So, did you already finish your art project?", she asked, whenever we had quit our discussion about black nail polish and its advantages vs. disadvantages.

I laughed sarcastically.  
"Yeah right, I haven't even started yet."

Angela started to laugh too.  
"Me neither. I could come over today after school and we could do it together, if you want."

"Sure, that sounds good.", I immediately agreed. Spending time with Angela was always a good idea, plus I would finally get started on that project. "But we have to go buy some stuff we need. You should take your car home and I'll come pick you up."

"Alright, I'll meet you at my house then.", Angela smiled and walked off to her next class. I threw the leftovers of my lunch in the next bin and hurried to Biology.

3 hours later, I found myself at the store with Angela. We both were having a creative moment, meaning our shopping cart was filled with all kinds of funny things and we were absolutely convinced that we would need all of them. As we were done shopping and were standing in line at the cash desk, Angela elbowed me in the side. As I frowned at her, she nodded towards the guy who was packing the shopping bags for customers. I turned my head to look at him and caught him staring at me. I immediately blushed and looked at Angela again, who smiled from ear to ear.

At my house, we immediately got started on the project, because we didn't want to lose our creativity. I had drawn a beautiful flower and I was about to put glitter on it for some effects, when Angela interrupted the silence.  
"So, did you notice the guy at the store?"

I looked up from my work and raised an eyebrow.  
"What about him?"

Angela smiled.  
"He was staring at you the whole time we were there. He definitely wants you."

I shook my head, but couldn't help to smile a little.  
"He does not. I don't even know him. He was probably just staring at me because I had something nasty on my face or in my hair without realizing it."

Angela rolled her eyes.  
"You're silly. Maybe you don't know him, but I happen to know him. And I happen to know that he's interested, because right after we left, he sent me a text message."

My eyes widened.  
"You're kidding…what did he say?"

Angela giggled. I started to feel like a typical teenager and I couldn't even remember the last time I had felt that way, or if I had ever felt that way at all.  
"Well, he wanted to know the name of the, I quote, "goddess" who was at the store with me and he asked for your number."

I could feel that I was blushing again and I started to laugh to cover it.  
"I hope you didn't give it to him."

Angela shrugged.  
"I told him I had to ask for your permission first. But if you ask me, it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all. He's really nice and I don't think it would hurt to get to know him. I'm sure he would take you on an awesome date."

I immediately started to feel bad about even considering giving my number to this guy. Since when did I go on dates? That just wasn't my thing. By the way, dates without Edward there would suck anyway.  
"I'm not interested."

Angela sighed.  
"You know, it's okay to be sad and to miss Edward, but you have to move on eventually. It's been how long since he left you? 2 months? That's a long time to grieve."

It started to get really annoying how everybody always seemed to bring up the same issue. But I couldn't be mad at Angela. She just didn't know how close Edward and me had been and how complicated the whole situation was. I thought it was best to not discuss this topic with her, so I said, "I am moving on. He's just not my type."

Angela rolled her eyes.  
"If you say so."

*~*~*~*

I went straight to work on Friday after school. Keeping myself busy had worked pretty well the whole week, because I found myself thinking about Edward less often than I used to. I was leaning against the counter, reading some stupid magazine, when I heard the door open. I looked up to look into Emily's smiling face.  
"Hey girl, how are you?"

"Fine.", I replied, a little surprised by her visit. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, actually I came to pick you up. When will you be done here?", Emily said with an eager voice.

I frowned.  
"In about 30 minutes. Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you to Port Angeles to go shopping. We need something cute for tomorrow night.", she explained enthusiastically.

I sighed and rolled my eyes.  
"Right, the party. Well, I think I will find something to wear at home, no need to go shopping."

Emily let out a laugh.  
"You and me are going to Port Angeles, end of discussion."

I sighed, but didn't argue any further. I knew there was no point. A little while later, I found myself in the dressing room of a little store in Port Angeles, trying on the at least 15th dress. As I stepped out of the dressing room once again to show Emily another one of the dresses she had picked out for me, she started to clap her hands and nodded enthusiastically.  
"That's it, Bella. It's perfect on you."

I sighed and turned around to look at my reflection in the mirror, because I hadn't even looked at the dress yet. It went down to my knees, was navy blue, with short sleeves and a little white bow around the waist. Actually, it was pretty cute, but I really didn't feel like dressing up.  
"Alright, I'll take it, I guess."

"Of course you'll take it. And I already found the perfect shoes to go along with it.", Emily announced and handed me a pair of white pumps with a little white bow on it as well.

"Thanks.", I sighed.

We went to pay for the dress and Emily bought a dark red one for herself too. As we left the store, she suggested:  
"Let's go get something to eat. I know a little restaurant right around the corner. We can walk there."

We put our shopping bags in the back of her car, which was parked right in front of the store, and started to walk towards the restaurant. Suddenly, I had the weird feeling that somebody was following us. When I threw a glance over my shoulder, I noticed two men walking not too far behind us. Emily seemed to notice them too, because she grabbed my arm and fastened her steps. My eyes widened, as the men behind us started to walk faster too. I looked over at Emily, to see a frightened expression on her face.

This situation reminded me of what happened about a year ago, when I was at this book store in Port Angeles and I ran into a group of drunk guys on my way back, who wouldn't leave me alone. Edward probably sensed that I was in danger, and came to my rescue. Suddenly, I had a strange thought. If he came to help me a year ago, maybe he would also come today, if those guys would attack me.

"_Don't even think about it."_ I heard the voice in my head, but it definitely wasn't mine. I snapped out of my thoughts immediately.

"Did you hear that?", I asked.

Emily turned her head to give me a questioning look.  
"Hear what?"

"Nevermind.", I whispered. I guess I lost my mind after all, imagining Edward's voice in my head. Suddenly, I remembered what I had been thinking about and continued my thoughts. I glanced over my shoulder once again, to find the two men still walking closely behind us. I considered the option of slowing my step, letting them catch up to me, to see what would happen.

"_Don't you dare, Bella."  
_There it was again, and now I knew that I wasn't imagining him talking to me. Now I was a hundred percent sure that I wanted to let them catch up to me. But as soon as I made this decision, Emily dragged me into the restaurant we were headed too. I sighed in an annoyed way, as we sat at a table for two. I was a little mad that Emily had interfered with my thoughts, but I knew there would be other situations when I would be able to try my theory. At least I had a plan.


	5. Chapter 4: Party Hard

**_Hey guys!  
I had a very creative moment today, so I finished this next chapter sooner than I had planned. So I'm posting it right now. Hope you like it!  
_****_And thanks for reviewing!_**

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**Chapter Four – Party Hard**

I woke up that Saturday and I immediately wanted to go to sleep again. I tried not to think about the upcoming party as I went downstairs to get some breakfast, because I was afraid I would throw up on that thought. Actually I didn't have time to think about the party anyways, because my head was busy thinking about the past day, meaning my trip to Port Angeles with Emily.

I wasn't sure when I would have the chance to try my theory, but I was certainly going to take it. Hearing Edward's voice inside my head gave me a little bit of hope that he still cared about me. And of course I wanted and needed to hear it again.

"Good morning, sunshine. I'm guessing you're in an extraordinarily good mood?", Charlie called, as I entered the kitchen. I wasn't quite sure if I imagined the sarcastic note in his voice. I just gave him a blank expression and sat down at the table, letting him continue, "Are you looking forward to the party tonight?"

I let out a sardonic laugh.  
"Absolutely."

It was then, when I noticed the pancakes and coffee on the table in front of me. I looked up into Charlie's smiling face with a puzzled expression on my own.  
"How did that happen?", I asked, gesturing towards my breakfast.

"Young lady, I am very much able to fix something to eat for my own daughter." He raised his voice at me, trying to exert his authority. I had to smile to myself.

"How come I'm the one cooking all the time, then?", I mumbled, but actually I was glad he didn't hear it. I focused on my food again, critically examining the pancakes, to check if he had burned them. But they were alright and even though I wasn't hungry at all, I started to eat, telling Charlie every now and then how good the food was, to give him a little bit of recognition.

*~*~*~*

Later that day, Emily came over, because she wanted to get ready together. Of course I knew she only wanted to make sure I showed up to the party, I wasn't that dumb.  
We were in my room and I let her do my make-up, after she had annoyed me for half an hour, when she suddenly said,  
"What was up with you yesterday?"

First I didn't know what she was referring to, but then I realized what she meant. Still, I thought it was better to pretend not to know.  
"What do you mean?"

"Port Angeles. You were behaving strange. And you were hearing things I didn't hear. What exactly did you hear?", Emily questioned.

I knew she wouldn't give up. And actually, I didn't consider it a bad idea letting her in on my theory and finding out what she thought about it.  
"To make a long story short, I heard Edward's voice in my head."

Emily stopped putting mascara on my eyelashes and folded her arms across her chest, raising an eyebrow at me.  
"Alright, I'd rather hear the long story."

I sighed.  
"Well, I just remembered a situation, back when Edward and me weren't dating yet, when some drunk guys were harassing me in Port Angeles and Edward came to rescue me. When the two guys followed us yesterday, I just wondered if he would come to save me once again and as soon as I had that thought, I heard his voice in my head."

Emily's expression just got more confused.  
"And what did he say?"

"Something like, don't you dare. I don't remember the exact words.", I explained, but that was a lie. Of course I remembered very well what he had said.

"Don't you dare?", Emily repeated and raised an eyebrow. Suddenly her expression changed from puzzled into worried and I immediately knew she had understood my way of thinking.  
"Don't tell me you were thinking about provoking those guys, so they would attack you, just to see if Edward would come to help you. That's reckless."

I nodded.  
"That's my theory." Emily just kept staring at me in disbelief, so I continued, "I know I didn't imagine him talking to me, Emily, I'm not insane. He wouldn't try to talk me out of dangerous intentions, if he didn't care about me. And maybe, if I really would be in a dangerous situation, he would come back to save me. It's worth a try."

Emily started to shake her head frantically.  
"No, it's not worth risking your life, just because there's the slightest chance he would come back. You can't be sure, and what if he doesn't show up? You'd be dead. It's not worth a try, and I'm not letting you go for it."

I tried very hard not to get angry, because I knew Emily was just being a good friend, trying to protect me. But she just didn't understand me.  
"If he doesn't come back, I don't really mind if I end up dead. At least then I won't have to endure an existence without him any longer."

"Be careful with saying things you don't really mean, Bella.", Emily whispered, and rose from her seat across from me. "There's other ways to make him come back.", she added, before disappearing to the bathroom, leaving me without a chance to discuss her statement.

*~*~*~*

I have to admit, the party wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. There were a lot of people I didn't know, and even though I'm not the kind of person who would just go over to random people and start talking, I actually enjoyed meeting most of them. Having casual conversations about human issues was a nice alternative to thinking about my supernatural love life.

"Hey girl, are you having a good time?", I heard Jacob's voice close to my ear and felt him place a soft little kiss on my left cheek, as he pulled me in a friendly embrace from behind. I took another sip of my orange juice and nodded.

"Of course, what about you?", I replied.

He let go of me and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards one of the numerous tables, where we sat down. The party took place in Embry's backyard, whose parents had a huge property, including access to the ocean. The whole yard was decorated with torches and the little tables were embellished with glittering butterflies and beautiful candles. The romantic atmosphere was hard to ignore, and I really wanted somebody to share it with. No, I wanted Edward to share it with.

"I am now.", Jacob mumbled, and I started to blush. I tore my look away from his warm eyes and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, as he continued, "Do you want something to drink?"

I looked down at the orange juice in my hand and as I realized there were still a few sips left, I shook my head.  
"I'm good, thanks."

"No, I mean, something real to drink.", he said with a sneaky smile on his face, and pulled out a green plastic bottle from under the table. He let me smell it and I frowned.

"Ugh, what is that?", I questioned.

Jacob let out a laugh and poured some of the clear liquid in his own cup.  
"Vodka. Orange juice tastes so much better mixed with it. Do you want some?"

I thought about it, and I immediately felt bad about even considering drinking alcohol. I had never even tasted any alcoholic substances and I had never been interested in getting drunk. But that night, I couldn't think of anything that would speak against it. I had told Charlie that I would stay the night with Emily, so there was no need to drive my truck anymore. Plus, people always told me that alcohol makes you forget, and I could think of a lot of things that I desperately wanted and needed to forget. So I replied,  
"Sure."

Jacob poured some of it in my cup and I took a little sip, making a grimace as it burned in my throat. But then, I started to smile and handed him my cup again.  
"More."

Suddenly, I heard Edward's voice in my head again, telling me to stop drinking, but I ignored it. For now, I didn't want to hear him.  
Time passed very quickly. I didn't even know how that happened, but soon I found myself hand in hand with Jacob, stumbling towards the little private beach behind Embry's house. I couldn't even remember how much of that Vodka I had drunk, all I knew was that the green plastic bottle was empty and that I had serious balance problems.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go swimming."  
I heard Jacob's voice, but even though he was walking right next to me, it seemed to come from a long distance.

Normally I would've never agreed to that suggestion. It was late October, the water would be freezing cold and if I couldn't even walk without tripping, swimming probably wouldn't work any better. But in that moment, I wasn't able to think that far. Instead, I nodded enthusiastically and stripped down to my underwear. So did Jacob, and soon we found ourselves plashing in the icy water.

"You're shivering.", Jacob called with a worried expression on his face. I guess it was in that moment when he realized, that he was the only one with an unnaturally high werewolf-temperature. It was in that moment too, when I started to realize myself that I was freezing. We swam to a shallower area where we could both sit down without our heads under water, and Jacob pulled me into a tight embrace, to warm me up.

"Better?", he whispered into my ear, after he had been holding me for a little while, but still not letting go. I nodded into his shoulder, remaining silent.  
Suddenly, he started to place little warm kisses on my shoulder. I giggled, but wasn't really aware of what he was doing.  
He continued placing kisses on my shoulder, up my neck in a line, until he reached my earlobe and whispered once again,  
"Better?"

I guess it was the wrong reaction in that moment, but I nodded again. He loosened his embrace, so he could stare right into my eyes, with an expression on his face, that I had never seen before. His eyes were so warm and full of longing. I could see him lean closer to me like in slow-motion, our lips were not an inch from touching each other and I closed my eyes. When our lips met, I felt a sudden shiver run down my spine, before it was replaced by immense warmth and an unchallenged feeling of security. I couldn't focus on anything but the kiss, which got more intense and more passionate with every passing second. I didn't know how long it lasted, but suddenly he pulled away. It took me a moment until I was able to open my eyes again without feeling dizzy.

"Let's go to my house.", he whispered. I let him pull me out of the water, grabbed my clothes from the ground and quickly slipped into my dress again. He took my hand and we walked back up to the party. I didn't recognize anyone we passed and I wasn't able to talk to anyone. The only thing I was aware of was Jacob right next to me, leading me through a crowd of people and towards his own house, which was only a walk of 10 minutes from Embry's house.

A couple of minutes later, we were on his bed, absorbed in another passionate kiss, his hands all over me. I felt so strange; it was like watching myself from a distance, without having any control of what I was doing. As he started to pull off my dress and unzip his own pants, I desperately wanted to scream and run away. But instead, I just let it happen.


	6. Chapter 5: Perceptions

**_Hey. I had some free time today, so I thought another chapter wouldn't hurt.  
And even though there might be some adult things in the story, I will not go into detail and it's not going to be M rated.  
Here we go, thanks for reviewing!_**

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**Chapter Five – Perceptions**

As I opened my eyes the following morning, I immediately shut them again, because the bright sunlight hurt my eyes and made my head ache even worse. It took me a moment to realize that I was completely naked, just covered with a sheet, that it wasn't my own bed I was lying in and that the two strong arms that were wrapped around me definitely didn't belong to the person they should belong to. I gasped in shock and sat up straight in bed, as I recalled the happenings of the past night in my head. Everything was a blur, but I did remember the essential things. I slipped out of bed and collected my clothes from the floor.

"Bella?", Jacob mumbled sleepily and pulled himself up too, rubbing his eyes while yawning. "What are you doing?"

"What I should've done a while ago. I'm leaving!", I hissed and checked my appearance in the mirror, making sure that everything was in its right place, before pulling my hair up in a loose ponytail.

"Don't leave, Bella. Let's talk about it.", Jacob suggested, trying to sound calm, but I could see the panic in his eyes.

I started to laugh bitterly.  
"So now you want to talk? Well, fine. Let's talk.", I said and sat down on the bed next to him, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "What the hell have we done, Jacob?"

He stared at me with a puzzled expression on his face. Obviously this was not the way he had expected me to react, after waking up next to him.  
"Well, we made love, obviously."

"No, we did not make love, Jacob!"  
I was yelling now, but I didn't care. I rose from the bed again, because I couldn't handle being that close to him in that moment, and started to walk up and down his room, shaking my head frantically.  
"We were drunk and we didn't realize what we were doing. At least I didn't have much control of what I was doing. That's not how it's supposed to happen, Jacob. You're supposed to be in a relationship with someone you love and who loves you back. You're not in love with me, and I'm definitely not in love with you. What the hell have we done?", I repeated, rather talking to myself than him.

"I am in love with you…", he mumbled.

I just stared at him in disbelief. There he was, my 16 year old best friend, half naked and looking more grown-up than I ever would, confessing his love to me. I rolled my eyes and sighed deeply.  
"Now that's great."

I watched him crawl out of bed and slipping into his boxers, glaring at him with folded arms.  
"Well, I'm sorry that I can't be your oh-so-perfect vampire lover, who probably didn't even really love you, but was just addicted to the smell of your blood. But I'm real, Bella. I've always been there for you and I've been in love with you from the first time I met you. If that's not enough for you, fine. But I will not do you the favor of regretting."

He was furious and I knew he was trying very hard to control his temper while talking to me. But that only made me angrier myself.  
"Fine, I'll regret it for the both of us then."

Jacob just rolled his eyes and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there by myself, frustrated. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I desperately wanted to get out of his room, so I grabbed my purse and stormed out of the house. Luckily, his Dad was nowhere to be seen. I didn't even want to think about my Dad's best friend's reaction, when he found out what happened between me and Jacob last night.

I had to walk for about 10 minutes to reach my truck, which was still parked at Embry's house, got in and slammed the door shut. I sat there in silence for a couple of minutes, trying to calm myself down and stop crying. I searched my purse for my cell-phone and flipped it open. 20 missed calls from Emily, 15 missed calls from Charlie's cell-phone, 5 missed calls from Home, 5 voice-mails and 3 text messages. I sighed, opening the first text-message, which was from Emily.

'_Bella, where are you? I've been looking for you all over the place and I've been trying to call you a hundred times. Answer your phone, I'm worried!'_

I rolled my eyes and opened the next text message with a frown on my face, when I realized it came from Charlie. I didn't even know he knew what text messaging was.

'_Emily called. You're in trouble. Come home right now!'_

Okay, at that point I got a little worried, I have to admit. I went on to the last text message, which came from Emily again.

'_Bella, I messed up. You never answered your phone and I thought, maybe you left and went home. I called your home phone and as Charlie answered, I didn't know what to tell him why I called, since you were supposed to be at my place. I'm sorry! Call me ASAP!'_

Now that explained a lot. My mood had reached its lowest point when I started the engine and pulled my truck out of the parking lot and onto the road.

*~*~*~*

About 2 weeks had passed since I made the biggest mistake of my entire life, besides letting Edward go. I had been grounded from the moment I entered my kitchen that day, and I probably would still be the day I turned 25. Well, Charlie knew about the alcohol, he knew about me staying the night at Jacob's place instead of Emily's, but luckily he didn't know the whole truth, or else I'd probably be six feet under by now, next to Jacob.

Actually, I was pretty glad to be grounded. That way, it was very easy for me to fall back into my little hole of depression again, plus, it was impossible to see Jacob. I haven't talked to him since our argument in his bedroom and I didn't plan on doing it very soon. I haven't talked to Emily either. Of course I had explained everything to her, but other than that, I had nothing to say. I didn't feel like hanging out, or talking, or having fun. I didn't deserve something like that.

"God, you look so spaced out. What are you thinking about?"  
I was at the shop that day, the only place I had permission to go to other than school. Amber looked at me with a worried expression on her face. I was so sick of pretending that everything was alright, because nothing was alright. Amber was probably one of the few people I could actually be honest with.

"Edward.", I mumbled.

She rolled her eyes.  
"This is really starting to get old, Bella. If you miss him so much and want him back so desperately, why don't you just go get him? I'm sure he's not going to send you away if you show up on his doorstep."

I sighed and searched my purse for my pack of cigarettes, after I had decided to take a quick smoke break.  
"It's a little more complicated than that."

Amber threw her hands up in defense and called,  
"Fine, I give up. But I just wanted to let you know that I'm sick of watching you break a little more with each passing day."  
She gave me a reproachful look, before disappearing in the storage room.

I went outside the backdoor and lit a cigarette. As I thought about Amber's words, I started to realize that it actually wasn't as complicated as I had always thought. I weighed my options. I could either remain being the mess I was right now, lost in depression and self-pity. Or, I could fight for my own happiness and do what I had to, to make Edward come back to me. Suddenly, all the hints Emily had dropped the past weeks seemed obvious, and I started to wonder why on earth it had taken me so long to realize.

There were just two little problems. First, I was grounded and would probably be forever. There was no way on earth Charlie would approve of me going who knows where to win back the heart of the one person, he disapproved of the most. And second, which would probably be the more essential problem – I had no idea where Edward was. I really needed a plan.


	7. Chapter 6: Favors

**_New chapter! Sorry it took so long and it's pretty short too, but you can look forward to the next one. =]  
Thanks for reviewing!_**

* * *

**Chapter Six – Favors**

I took a deep breath, trying to encourage myself to do what I had been planning for the past days. Actually I was pretty surprised that I even made it to Jacob's house, without turning around more than twice. But there I was, on his front porch, my fist raised, but not ready to knock yet. I had pictured this scene about a thousand times in my mind, but I just couldn't be sure about the way he would react. I wasn't even sure about the way I would react when seeing him again after those horrible 3 weeks.  
Finally, I forced myself to knock, secretly hoping he wouldn't be home. I waited for a couple of seconds, until the door was pulled open and I looked up into a pair of very surprised eyes.

"Hey.", I whispered, because my voice failed.

He didn't respond, just kept staring at me. So I added,  
"Can we talk for a second?"

Still he didn't say anything. He just nodded, stepped outside and shut the door behind him. I felt a little unsettled by him not inviting me in, but I ignored my doubts and sat down on one of the two chairs in the corner of his front porch. Jacob remained standing. I guess he wasn't sure what was to come, so he wanted to be ready to just turn around and leave.

"Well…I wanted to apologize.", I started, checking the expression on his face, making sure he wanted me to continue. "I held you responsible for what happened, and that was wrong. I guess I just didn't want to admit that I didn't regret it as much as I wished. I just feel so guilty."

I noticed Jacob's expression soften and I sighed in relief.  
"Bella, Edward left you. He should be the one feeling guilty, not you. Does he expect you to cry over him forever? Seriously, it's about time that you move on."

"Jacob…", I sighed, getting a little frustrated. "I can't move on. I need him. But I need you too, in a different way. You're my best friend and I love you. And I hope, that even though you believe to have deeper feelings for me, you can accept that friendship is the only thing I can give you."

Jacob didn't respond for a long time. He seemed to be on the verge of tears, but I guess I imagined that. Finally, he heaved a long sigh and it was obvious that the following was very hard for him to say.  
"I guess if I have to choose between having you in my life as a friend and continuing being without you like the past weeks, I'd rather take the first option and try to accept the fact that you're in love with someone else."

I smiled in relief and jumped up from my chair to give him a long needed hug. As I let go of him and sat back in my chair again, he gave me a reproachful look and said,  
"Okay, go ahead, Bella."

I frowned.  
"What do you mean?"

"Come on.", Jacob laughed. "I know you didn't just come here to apologize. What do you need?"

I rolled my eyes. He just knew me too well. But still I hesitated, because I wasn't sure if this was the right point of time to bring up the certain issue that would definitely hit a nerve. Finally, I convinced myself that there would never be a right point of time, and I started to explain.  
"Well, actually I could need your help. And before you say no, I want you to remind yourself that I'm your friend and that you want me to be happy, just like I want you to be happy, whatever it takes. Right?"

Jacob raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.  
"Right."

"Okay. I need you to use your werewolf powers and find out where Edward and his family are staying, because it's time for me to take things in my own hands now.", I blabbered and gave him a hopeful look, just to see him shake his head.

"No way."

"Please, Jacob.", I begged. "I know you dislike Edward and I know you don't want him to come back. But I do. I'm miserable without him. Do you want me to be miserable?"  
I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and I felt really pathetic, sitting in front of my best friend asking him for favors like that. But I didn't have any other choice.

"Of course not, Bella.", Jacob called and heaved a long sigh. "But I can't help you. If I'd go look for those vampires with the intention of persuading them to come back, that would be like allying myself with them. My pack wouldn't understand. They're our worst enemies. I can't do that."

I had never even thought about the consequences for his pack and of course I understood his reasons for not wanting to help me, even though I still assumed that he had other reasons as well. But I didn't give up just yet.  
"You're not allying yourself with them. You don't even have to see them or talk to them. You just have to find out where they are and I'll do the rest."

I knew I couldn't convince him. He just sat there, shaking his head in silence.  
"Please, Jacob. Do it for me. I won't survive if he doesn't come back. Please.", I whispered and buried my face in my hands, because I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my reddened cheeks anymore. I already saw myself losing this battle and I couldn't think of anything else to say or do.

"Fine.", he sighed and got up. "I'll do it. I'll have to explain it to the rest of the pack first, though."

"Oh my god, thank you so much, Jacob! I promise, I will make it up to you.", I was literally screaming in excitement, jumped up from my seat and threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"Yeah, you definitely owe me.", he mumbled.

*~*~*~*

A couple of weeks had passed since Jacob had left to look for the Cullens, and I still hadn't heard a single word from him. I had kept myself as busy as possible during this period, with work and school, but still I had to think about him every day and wondered, if he would come back with good news. I desperately needed a hobby, because with my lots of free time, I was starting to get anxious.

That afternoon, I was out in Charlie's backyard, planting some herbs, when suddenly I had the strange feeling of being watched. I scanned my ambiance, until some strange noises coming from the little group of trees ahead of me startled me. My eyes narrowed, as I tried to make out what was there, in the darkness of the woods, when suddenly, a pair of brown eyes stared back at me.

I gasped, and jumped up in shock, but felt a wave of relief wash over me, as a big familiar wolf stepped out of the shadow.  
"Jacob!", I breathed and hurried towards him.

Meanwhile, he had stepped back behind some trees to phase, and appeared again as my all too familiar Jacob. He smiled weakly, as I threw my arms around him.  
"I was so worried. You were gone too long!"

"Well, searching the whole country takes up some time.", he replied curtly.

I let go of him and took one step backwards, looking expectantly into his warm eyes.  
"So?", I whispered. I wasn't too sure if I wanted to hear his answer, afraid of disappointment.

He sighed deeply, before answering,  
"I found them. They stayed in Brazil for a couple of weeks, that's why their scent lead me southwards first and I wasted a lot of time there, before realizing that they had gone north a while ago. They're with another vampire family now, probably friends."

My lips drew apart to a big smile, as I realized, how much closer this brought me to my Edward. Jacob didn't even have to say anything else, because I immediately knew who he was talking about and where to go.  
"You're the best, Jacob. I can't even thank you enough for your help."

"You're welcome.", he replied, folding his arms across his chest and added, "But you're not seriously believing that I'll let you go there all by yourself?"

"What?"  
This statement took me by surprise.

"Well, I will not let you visit a dozen vampires by yourself. That's suicidal. I'm coming with you.", he suggested.

I started to shake my head frantically, picturing Edward's face as I showed up there with Jacob by my side.  
"No way."

"I'm coming with you, period."  
His voice was certain and wouldn't accept a no. I sighed, realizing that I could either let him accompany me, or say goodbye to my plan of bringing Edward back to me, because I knew Jacob would never let me go alone.

"Fine. I'll book the flights tonight. Be prepared to leave as soon as possible."  
I turned around, fuming, and ran back into the house. Even though I was very thankful for Jacob's help, I was starting to get really mad at him for interfering with my plans. Trying to persuade Edward to come back to me, with Jacob at my side, would probably be much harder than it had to be.


	8. Chapter 7: Threats

**_New chapter! Sorry it took so long. I'll be posting more soon. Enjoy!  
_**

**Chapter Seven**

I took a deep breath. The house I had been looking for, the house I knew Edward would be in, was only a few minutes of walking away. I could already see it up there, behind the group of trees. It felt really intimidating to me.

"What are you waiting for?", Jacob asked. At that point, I realized that I wasn't walking, but still standing at the gate we had just passed through. I turned my head to look at him, with a vacant expression on my face, and shrugged.

"I don't know…I guess I'm just a little nervous."

As I started walking and my heart started beating faster with every single step I took, I realized that this was a lie. I was terrified. I was worried, that my plan wasn't thought-out well enough. I was afraid of Edward's reaction when seeing me.  
Another thought popped up in my mind and I wanted to slap myself in the face for not thinking about that earlier: Alice. Of course she must have seen me coming, what gave all of them a long enough period of time to either prepare themselves for my arrival, or to run away and hide.  
That realization left me with twice as much worry, as I got closer to the front door with each passing second. Great.

My hand moved towards the doorbell in slow-motion. I couldn't help but wonder, if coming here would turn out as a big mistake after all. Finally, I forced myself to ring, feeling more terrified and anxious than ever before.  
Suddenly, the door was pulled open and I found myself looking into the pale face of an extraordinarily beautiful woman with wavy blonde hair. Her expression seemed to harden, as she looked back at me.

"Hey, I'm…", I started, but she interrupted me fiercely.

"I know who you are. What do you want?"

I swallowed, wondering what exactly she knew about me. I tried very hard not to show how much she intimidated me, but I guess I was an open book to her.  
"I…I want to talk…to Edward…if that's possible.", I stuttered. After no change of expression on her face, I continued, "Can…can I come in?"

She raised an eyebrow, her looks sliding from me to Jacob, who was standing a little behind me, and back to me again.  
"_You _can come in. But the _dog_ stays outside."

I could hear Jacob growl at her and I turned my head to give him an apologetic smile. I knew it wasn't nice to just leave him there, but I didn't have any other choice. By the way, my reunion with Edward would probably be much easier without Jacob there. I took one step towards the door, but Jacob interrupted my thought of a smooth reunion with a sarcastic laugh.  
"I won't let you go in there by yourself. Get out of my way, bloodsucker."

I gave the pretty blonde an apologetic look, as he pushed her aside and entered her home. I guess she didn't feel like arguing, because she just remained silent and let me pass her as well. She led us into an enormous living room, where most of the Cullens were sitting on the couch, watching TV.

"Bella!", Alice, who had been the first to turn her head, screamed, jumped up from the couch and came running towards me. She threw her arms around me and hugged me so tightly, I was unable to breathe.

"I…can't…breathe…", I gasped and she finally let go of me.

"Bella!", she repeated. "I don't believe it."

I frowned.  
"You seem so surprised to see me…"

"I am!", Alice called. I was confused, but I couldn't think about that any longer, because Esme and Carlisle were next to hug me, followed by Jasper. Emmet and Rosalie were nowhere to be seen, and I have to admit, I felt a little relieved about that. Rosalie had always been a little intimidating.  
They all seemed to be very happy to see me. But as much as I enjoyed seeing all of them again, I couldn't help but scan the room for the person I was here for.  
"He's upstairs.", Alice said, with a beautiful smile on her face.

I smiled back at her, turned around and hurried towards the stairs. As I realized Jacob was following right behind me, I faced him with an incredulous expression on my face.  
"You can't be serious."

"What? I told you I won't leave you alone.", he said, throwing his hands up in defense.

"No. You're not coming with me. This is between me and Edward. You better stay down here or I will hurt you.", I hissed, glaring furiously into his eyes, before continuing to walk up the stairs. Luckily, he didn't follow.  
As I reached the top of the stairs, I found myself at the beginning of a long corridor, lined by a dozen doors which lead into different rooms. I was so overwhelmed of how big this house actually was, that I didn't even realize how much closer I came to the person I had been longing for so desperately with each single step.

I started to wonder, which room he would be in, when suddenly I noticed the quiet sound of classical music coming out of the third door on the left. I smiled warmly, and hurried towards the room I assumed him to be in. I slowly pushed the door open without a sound.  
The room was awfully dark. Although there were two enormous windows, they were obscured by thick dark brown curtains. The minimal amount of light of the opened door made it impossible for me to make out what was inside the room, but I didn't care about that, because I had already spotted what I was looking for anyways. He was lying on a little couch, arms behind his head, eyes closed, listening to the soft music from the stereo. His facial features rather seemed like carved in stone, than human. He was just how I had remembered him. Perfect, in every way.

The second I intended to make a step towards him, his eyes shot open and he sat up straight in a second.  
"Bella?", he called, jumping up from the couch.

I wanted to run towards him and throw my arms around him, but I hesitated. I wasn't sure about the tone in his voice, if he was glad to see me, or mad. But I didn't have time to wonder about that any longer, because he was in front of me in a second and pulled me into a tight embrace. I sighed in relief.  
After what seemed like an enjoyable eternity, he let go of me and looked at me intensely, with his fascinating golden eyes. At that moment, it was a riddle to me, how I had survived without looking into those eyes for such a long time.

"Bella.", he repeated, with the soft, caring voice I loved so much. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you.", I whispered, because my voice seemed to fail. I was so overwhelmed by him, I guess I wasn't used to his abnormal perfection anymore.

He sighed deeply and turned around, slowly walking away from me. Wow, this was such a déjà vu.

"Don't you dare walk away from me again, Edward."  
I guess my words took him by surprise, because he turned around abruptly and looked at me with a worried expression on his face.

"You shouldn't have come here, Bella.", he whispered, and even though I could hear in his voice how bad he felt for saying something like that, I couldn't help but get a little mad.

"Why? Edward, I want you back in my life. I can't live without you and god knows I've tried. I don't understand why you've put me through this hell in the first place, but I'm here to tell you that I'm not willing to accept it any longer. Come back to me, Edward. Please."  
The tears were rolling down my cheeks again and I felt so pathetic for begging like that. I guess at that point of time I looked more vulnerable, more breakable, more human, than ever before and I didn't know if that was such a good thing, considering that this was the reason he had left me after all.

"You're so much better off without me, Bella. It's too dangerous for you to be around me. We've had that discussion, Bella. Please, don't make it harder for me than it already is."  
He sighed deeply and turned around to face me again, giving me the first chance to give his face a closer look. I wasn't sure if vampires were actually able to look tired, but he definitely looked exhausted. Though his eyes were their usual golden color, they were empty, and the shadows below them seemed even more prominent than usual. I could definitely see how hard it was for him to act that way towards me, what pissed me off even more.

"Who are you, to know what's best for me? Who are you, to make decisions over my head, as if my word doesn't count at all? I may not have your supernatural abilities or your immortality, but I'm not stupid, Edward. Actually, I'm smarter than you would probably expect from a simple human girl. And I have the right to speak and decide for myself. If I think being with you is best for me, you will have to accept that."  
I folded my arms across my chest, gazing up into his eyes with a furious expression on my face. I didn't want to be rude, but a confident appearance couldn't hurt and maybe it would convince him, that I wasn't the breakable, clumsy human being he thought I was.

He crossed his arms as well, raising an eyebrow.  
"Or what?"

"What do you mean?", I asked, frowning slightly.

"What if I don't just accept that?"  
A crooked smile played around his lips. I knew he didn't take it as serious as I did, because I didn't have the power to threaten him. Or so he thought.

"Well, let's put it that way: I will either have a wonderful life with you by my side, or I will not have a life at all."

His smile disappeared immediately and turned into an incredulous glare.  
"You're not seriously threatening to kill yourself if I'm not changing my mind? You're giving me the choice between either killing you myself or letting you commit suicide because of me. Terrific."

I let out a small laugh. I hadn't seen it that way, but it was a very ironic way to look at the situation. I smiled, took a few steps towards him and grabbed his hands.  
"Well, as it seems, in the end my death will be your fault either way, so why not enjoy the time we have?"

"That's not funny, Bella. You know I love you more than anything, but it's unfair to force me to come back to you and make your life more dangerous than it has to be in such a cruel way."

I sighed deeply and let go of his hands. I guess he was right, it wasn't fair.  
"Forget what I just said. But I just want you to know, I will not be happy ever again. I will have a life, but it will be very lonely and sad. If that's what you want to do to me, fine. But just to let you know, you're not being fair either."

I took his face in my hands, stood on my tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his ice cold lips, realizing how much I had missed the sensation kissing him gave me. I pulled away, looking into his eyes one last time, before turning around and exiting the room. I slowly walked down the corridor towards the stairs again, wiping the tears off my face. That was not the way I had hoped this conversation would end, but at least I gave it a try. Now I could fall into my hole of depression and loneliness again, without wondering what would have been if I would've had the chance to speak for myself. I had the chance, I told my opinion, absolutely nothing has changed.

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	9. Chapter 8: Second Chance

**_Update! Hope you enjoy it. =]  
Thanks for reviewing!_**

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**Chapter Eight – Second Chance**

Edward's POV

I couldn't believe it. First, I would definitely rip Alice's head off, for not telling me that Bella had been on her way to see me. Because if she would've done that, I would have spared Bella the effort to come here and the disappointment. And second, I would definitely rip my own head off, for hurting Bella that way, again. What was wrong with her anyways? Any other human girl would've forgotten all about me and moved on long ago. Well, any other girl would've been too scared to date me anyways.

She really left me torn on the inside. The moment she had entered my room, filling it with her delicate scent, I felt the familiar sensation of thirst burning in my throat and the venom immediately started to water in my mouth. If I wouldn't have learned to keep the monster inside me under control during a long, painful process, before I actually started dating Bella, I would've jumped her in that second and sucked every bit of delicious blood right out of her. Not that I had played with that thought.  
But on the other hand, the moment she had entered my room, I also felt another, more powerful sensation. Love. More than killing her, I wanted to kiss her, hold her in my arms safely, let my fingers slide down her soft skin and through her glossy hair. Holding her in my arms had made me feel so alive, a feeling I had been missing the past months.

Suddenly, against my rational thinking, I realized, that I didn't want to miss that feeling anymore. I didn't want to go back to that state of mental wreck without feelings and emotions I had been the past months without her. I didn't want to spend one more day without holding her in my arms, protecting her from anything that could do harm to her.  
Another realization crossed my mind. As much as the monster inside me wanted to kill her the second I saw her, the more the real me didn't. I had always considered myself the strongest danger she had to be protected from. Now that I knew how good I was at keeping the bad part of me under control, how hard could it be to protect her from anybody else?

Maybe I was being a little too self confident at that point of time, but I didn't care. I would find a way to deal with any problem that would come our way, with the help of my family. In that moment, I just wanted to make her happy again, and myself too.  
I found myself outside my room in one second, watching her walk towards the stairs.  
"Bella, wait!"

She turned around immediately. Her cheeks were read from the tears she had been crying, obviously. I wanted to slap myself in the face, but quickly walked towards her instead, grabbing her hands and holding them in mine, just like she had done a couple of minutes ago.  
"I changed my mind."

I watched her blank face turn into a frown and against my wish she pulled her hands away.  
"Is this supposed to be funny?"

Well, her expression was. I just loved all the human feelings I could read on her face. Since her thoughts were inaccessible for me, I had become very good at reading her expressions. But I guessed it was better not to say that out loud.  
"No, Bella. I'm serious. I've been scared, I've been worried about you and I've been stupid. I don't want to live without you, not another second."

Her face lit up for a second, then changed into a skeptical expression again.  
"You're not fooling me, just to watch me get mad? Because I know how much that amuses you."

I sighed deeply, wondering how much longer it would take her to believe me.  
"I'm dead serious."

Finally, and I was very glad that this moment came sooner than I had expected, her pale red lips drew apart to a brilliant smile and she threw her arms around me, burying her beautiful face in my neck. I immediately felt the warmth of her body seep through my own and wrapped my arms around her, careful not to squeeze too tightly.  
After a wonderful moment, she pulled away and gazed up into my eyes with a sly smile playing around her lips, mesmerizing me with her eyes of liquid chocolate.  
"Thank god you made up your mind, because I probably wouldn't have been able to choose an adequate method to kill myself."

I cracked a smile and bent down to place a tender kiss on her lips. I could still taste the venom in my mouth and the constant burning in my throat was an inherent part of being close to her, but I was already used to it and I would learn how to fully ignore it. I was sure of that, because holding her in my arms made me forget about all the worries and doubts that had plagued me ever since I met her. I couldn't help but feel satisfied. I remembered the time when she accused me of dazzling people, including her. Now it rather felt like being dazzled by her, how ironic.

"Well, shall we go home then? Charlie probably sent out every single policeman Forks has to offer to look for me."  
She laughed and rolled her eyes dramatically.

I frowned, once again wishing to have the ability of reading her mind, so I would have a slight insight of what had happened during the period of time we were separated.  
"Why would he do that?"

Bella heaved a sigh and I immediately knew that she wouldn't tell me the whole truth, what left me more curious than ever before.  
"Let's put it that way, sneaking out in the middle of the night, only leaving a note which says 'I'll be back in a few days' is probably not the best thing to do when you're grounded."

I let out a laugh, but couldn't stop myself from asking,  
"Why would you be grounded?"

"Let's not talk about the past months anymore.", she said in a low voice, and I immediately sensed that I had hit a nerve. I can hardly describe how much I wanted to know what was going on inside her head at that point of time. But I knew, that this was going to drive me insane sooner or later.

"Well, let's go downstairs then and tell everybody the good news.", I suggested, grabbed her hand and led the way.  
Actually, I was sure that Alice had already seen our reunion, so it wouldn't be such a big surprise to them. That brought me back to the thought of how Alice could've kept the premonition of Bella coming to look for me from me. Alice had never been good in hiding thoughts from me, probably because we communicated on that way most of the time. She had either found a very good way to hide the vision from me, or she didn't have a vision at all, what immediately made me think about a plausible reason that could prevent a premonition.

We reached the living room, and there was my plausible reason. Jacob.  
"Now that explains a lot.", I mumbled to myself.

'_I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't see her coming, because her decision involved Jacob right from the beginning. You know that they are invisible.'  
_I could hear Alice's thoughts in my head and I nodded at her, letting her know that it was fine. Bella squeezed my hand gently. Obviously she had noticed my sudden change of mood and I guessed she had already figured out the reason, because she smiled at me in an apologetic way.

"What's he doing here?", I hissed, loud enough for only Bella to hear.

"I wouldn't have been able to find you without his help, so you should thank him rather than insult him.", she said, giving me a reproachful look which immediately made me feel bad against my will. We went towards the sitting area and sat down on the couch, surrounded by my whole family. I was glad that all of them, except for Rosalie, welcomed her back and that everyone was looking forward to moving back to Forks. None of them had been very happy about leaving in the first place, but they had done it for me. They immediately involved Bella in a conversation. I didn't participate in it, because I was busy focusing on Jacob's thoughts. They turned out to be very interesting.

'_How can she do that? She's sitting there with all those bloodsuckers that have turned their backs on her, chatting and laughing, as if nothing had happened. This is so wrong, and it's all my fault. Why did I help her anyways? If I wouldn't have brought her here, she would've forgotten all about them and sooner or later she would've been mine. I'm so stupid, I could slap myself. I wonder if she told him everything? Probably not, because if he'd know all about it, he'd never take her back. Well, she will find out eventually what an arrogant, selfish, disgusting creature he really is. It's only a matter of time. Why is he glaring at me?'_

I immediately tore my look away from him. I didn't even notice that I had been staring at him the whole time. I had to be more careful, if I wanted to get more information. I pretended to listen to the others talking, but actually I was still inside Jacob's head.

'_Freak. How much longer do I have to bear this? This whole place reeks of bloodsuckers. They are so nauseating. The longer I see her with him, the less attractive she becomes. She's so different whenever she's with him. So fake. It really makes me sick. What the hell is wrong with him?'_

I realized that I had jumped up from the couch, quietly growling at him. His thoughts made me so mad, I can hardly describe it. Well, since everyone was staring at me awkwardly, I figured that I had to say something, even though I didn't want to talk to him.  
"Would you join me outside for a second, Jacob?"

"Fine.", he said, even though his thoughts told the opposite, and he followed me out the backdoor.


	10. Chapter 9: Arguments

**_Hey, sorry it took so long. Hope you like it, though. =]_**

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**Chapter Nine – Arguments**

Bella's POV

„I wonder what they're talking about.", I muttered, while I was gazing out of the window at the backyard, where my lover and my best friend stood face to face.

Alice, who had followed me to my spot at the window and was now standing right next to me, chuckled.  
"Well, probably you. But that's just a wild guess."

I cracked a smile too, realizing that Alice was probably right. What else would they talk about? The weather? Not knowing what information Jacob would give to Edward, either voluntarily or involuntarily through his thoughts, made me feel really uncomfortable. The certain night I had spent with Jacob had been in the back of my mind ever since I had looked into Edward's eyes again and I was really glad he had no insight on my thoughts. Jacob didn't have that privilege, so hopefully he had other things on his mind.  
We remained in that spot for a couple of minutes without speaking. Alice held her eyes closed and was obviously trying to catch a glimpse of the conversation between vampire and werewolf. I was lost in thoughts. Chewing on my bottom lip, I tried to ease my nervousness, but failed at the attempt. Every little change in Edward's expression made me jump to conclusions.

"Are you alright?"  
Alice was watching me skeptically, as I started to chew on my fingernails instead of my lip.

I tore my look away from the scene ahead of me to look at Alice. As our eyes met, the sudden need of revealing my secret to somebody rushed through my head and I said,  
"Can we go to somewhere a little more private? There's something I need to tell you."

Alice raised her eyebrows and nodded silently, taking the lead upstairs. I followed close behind and we entered a room that seemed much friendlier than the one I had found Edward in earlier. The walls were painted in a beautiful lilac color and the windows, which were framed with matching curtains, were open wide. Alice closed the door behind us and gestured me to sit down on the little couch, but remained standing herself.

"So?"

"Well, first I have to ask you something. You seemed really surprised to see me here. How come you didn't know I was coming?"  
I assumed it was best to find out about that first. It seemed really odd to me, that Alice wouldn't have predicted that.

"It's because of Jacob. Werewolves are invisible to me, I can't predict anything if they're involved. I'm guessing Jacob was involved in your plan of coming here right from the beginning, so that's why.", Alice explained briefly.

I raised an eyebrow. If she didn't have premonitions about me when Jacob was involved, maybe she didn't know about the night I had spent with him either. And if she didn't know about it, Edward wouldn't find out about it, unless Jacob couldn't keep his mouth shut. I almost changed my mind about letting her in on the secret, when Alice spoke up again.

"But that was not what you wanted to talk about. Come on Bella, spit it out."

I sighed deeply and started to chew on my lip again. I still didn't know whether it was better to let her know about it or not. Finally, I decided that Alice was probably the best person to tell something like that.  
"Okay, but you have to promise me not to tell anyone. Especially not Edward. You have to keep your mouth and your mind shut."

"I promise.", Alice said with a skeptical but certain voice.

I heaved another long sigh.  
"While Edward and me were separated, I did something really stupid. I'm not trying to justify my actions, but I have to mention that I was really heartbroken, really drunk and I absolutely regret it."  
I paused and waited for Alice to acknowledge my remorse, but Alice's expression didn't change. So I continued, "I slept with Jacob."

For a second, Alice's eyes widened and she seemed really taken aback, but as soon as this expression came it had gone and was replaced by a reproachful look.  
"Ew, with Jacob? That's really bad. But Edward doesn't know about it, right?"

I did feel a little confused. That was not the reaction I had expected, especially not from her. Alice seemed more disgusted by who it had happened with than shocked about that it had happened.  
"No…I wanted to tell him…but I couldn't…I know it would hurt him and…"

"Don't tell him then.", Alice interrupted.

Now that statement really took me by surprise and I couldn't help but stare at her with huge eyes for a minute. Finally, as I had regained control over my language, I questioned, "So, you think I shouldn't tell him that I cheated on him?"

"You didn't actually cheat on him. You two were separated at that point of time.", Alice said certainly.

A frown crept onto my forehead.  
"That's true, but we're back together now. Don't you think he has the right to know about something like that?"

"Maybe.", Alice said quietly and sighed, before adding, "But I don't think it would be very beneficial for either of you. First, Edward would be very hurt. Second, he would be very angry with Jacob for taking advantage of you while you were drunk and heartbroken. Concluding, Edward would be very jealous, because Jacob gave you the one thing he is too scared to try. He would come to the conclusion that he's not good enough for you and that you deserve and need someone better. You know how it ends."

I just stared at her in amazement. It was fascinating how good Alice was at predicting people's reactions, even without supernatural influence. At the same time I was shocked, because even though I had imagined the moment when I would tell Edward everything about a hundred times in my mind, it had never turned out that way.  
"Maybe it's best for him not to know."

There was a long pause between us, while each of us was lost in their own thoughts, until I finally broke the silence.  
"I didn't expect you to think like that."

Alice frowned slightly.  
"Why's that?"

"Well, I expected your opinion to be a little more like mine."  
My voice was barely above a whisper and I was a little scared of Alice's reply.

"I do think that you made a mistake. But I don't think that this is something worth risking your relationship with Edward for. It's not important.", Alice said. I could tell that she was getting a little annoyed by me, because I still didn't give it a rest.

But I had no intention of dropping the issue and raised an eyebrow.  
"So, being faithful is not important to you?"

"Listen, Bella.", Alice started, her voice very calm. "You and Jacob, that was just a physical thing. I know you're close friends with him, but you're definitely not in love with him, right? Edward and you, on the other hand, that's much more. You're so close to each other on a spiritual level, your souls are so closely bonded…you can't compare that to what you have with Jacob. That's why I think that what happened is not worth mentioning."

I remained silent for a while. The moment I opened my mouth to say something, the noise of shattering glass interrupted me, followed by yells from downstairs.

*~*~*~*

Edward's POV

"What do you want?", snapped Jacob, folding his arms across his chest and glaring at me opposite to him.

"If you have something to say, Jacob, now's the time.", I said very calmly. I was trying really hard to keep cool, but, against my usual rational thinking, I was ready to jump at him any second.

"I don't know what you mean.", Jacob hissed, rolling his eyes in an annoyed way.  
_Maybe how much seeing you with Bella disgusts me? Or how much your selfishness infuriates me? Or simply how much I hate you? Pick your favorite._

I chuckled slightly as I listened to his thoughts.  
"Let's just start with why you're here."

Jacob stared at me dumbfounded.  
"To protect Bella, obviously."

"To protect Bella?", I repeated, starting to laugh at the thought. That was probably one of the least reasons I would've expected. "From what? Us? As if you'd have the slightest chance."

A dark shadow fell over Jacob's face and his expression turned into a furious glare, as he started to growl quietly.  
"Want to give it a try?"

"Don't be ridiculous.", I replied dryly. "I'm grateful that you brought her here safely, honestly. But I think I'll take over now."

Jacob stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, a blank expression on his face.  
"I'm not going anywhere.", he finally said in a very low voice.  
_I will not let you and your rotten family return to Forks and force us to reform the pack._

"So that's what it's all about, I see.", I mumbled, more to myself than to my opponent, before continuing a little more audible, "You don't want Bella and me to be together because you don't want vampires in Forks? And you're calling me selfish."

"I don't want her to be with you because I love her!", Jacob shouted, clenching his fists at the side of his body.

"If you honestly love her, you'll accept her decisions and let her go.", I stated resolutely. We stood face to face now, glaring into each other's eyes. The tension between us was unbearable and I started to wonder, how much longer the both of us would stand it.

"Don't you dare teach me a lesson about love, because that's a human emotion. And as far as I know, you're not human. You're not even _alive_.", Jacob hissed behind clenched teeth, particularly emphasizing the last word.

Now that was enough. I couldn't hold my temper any longer and I felt the monster inside me taking over control. From that point on, everything happened very fast. I jumped at Jacob with such immense impact, that both of us were thrown backwards through the huge window Alice and Bella had been standing at, moments before. Esme, who had been sitting on the couch in the living room, let out a scream and the rest of my family were about to come to my aid, but I raised one hand and called, "Stay where you are."

Jacob, who had been overwhelmed with surprise for a few seconds, pushed himself up from the floor and ran towards me, phasing while he jumped at me.  
Meanwhile, Bella and Alice had arrived downstairs. Bella, who had turned very pale, probably out of shock, started to run towards us, demanding us to stop, but fortunately Alice held her back. I could never forgive myself if she got involved, while I was so out of control. I could tell from the look on her face that she felt useless, standing there and watching us fight, unable to stop us. I immediately felt sorry and wanted nothing more but close my arms around her.

Finally, I had the badly injured wolf pinned to the ground and we glared into each other's eyes again, both our faces full of hate and loathing.  
"Leave, Jacob.", I demanded, my voice so low that only Jacob could hear me. I let him get up from the ground.

_This is not over, Cullen. I will find a way to make you stay away from her.  
_After one last glance at Bella he took off towards the forest and disappeared into the shadows of the trees.


End file.
